Science Guy is the worst. You know the guy I’m talking about — the one who can give you a reasonable explanation for everything. He’s the guy at a party who tells you research has shown you should have a bottle of water with every alcoholic beverage so you don’t get too inebriated. Further ruining the festivities, he is also the guy that wants to give you the sobering facts on global warming, including ice cap melt rates, increasing temperature averages, and the affects of greenhouse gases on our food supply. As the night ends, he climbs into his 10 mpg Range Rover (he isn’t drunk because he drank plenty of water), and drives off, proud that he did Mother Earth another solid by educating the lesser informed and vowing to keep doing his part for a cleaner environment. The lingering question for those of us that were lucky enough to spend the evening with him (other than whoever the hell invited that guy) is should we believe anything he has to say? Not just because he is a hypocritical dick that no one likes, but for every Science Guy out there, there is also Bizzaro Science Guy, on the other side of the spectrum, that can prove him wrong. This is no more apparent than when it comes to the subject of ghosts and ghost hunting.

 By the way, I do believe in global warming. Please don’t email us any info on the matter. You see, I live in Houston where it is already a crisp 99 degrees everyday during the summer and the thought that it’s only getting hotter is the equivalent to someone trying to lose weight and supersizing their meal — it doesn’t help.

Upon doing research on ghost detectors, looking for content to borrow for our website because Google likes lots of content, you see, and we are using the pillar method to construct this site, so apparently I need to use a bunch of words. Anyway, it was very easy to see where people stood on the matter. If you believe in ghosts, then your EMF detector, SBS spirit box and digital recorder were all reliable tools that are mandatory for any spirit investigation. On the other hand, skeptics agree these items are a waste of time and money because ghosts aren’t real.  Everybody is entitled to their own opinions, I guess, but what amazes me are the lengths the naysayers will go to just to prove their point. “Paranormal” is defined as denoting events or phenomena that are beyond the scope of normal scientific understanding. Or if you prefer, the definition of supernatural:  (of a manifestation or event) attributed to some force beyond scientific understanding or the laws of nature. Finally! Science Guy’s reign of terror is over! Something he cannot explain! Fat chance . . . it only motivated him more. There were at least 20 blogs on the first few pages of Google, complete with scientific experiments aimed at proving that ghost gear is nothing more than snake oil. One guy (I won’t mention names) wrote an extremely long article entitled “EMF Detectors Don’t Communicate With Ghosts”. Well now. I think that no matter what side of the fence you fall on, we can all agree with this guy. I have never seen Aaron (Ghost Adventures) grab his EMF detector, push the button and utter “Dude, are you mad that you’re dead?” That’s because EMF detectors don’t have microphones or speakers to reciprocate with the dead. So, you’re right smart guy, EMF detectors DON’T communicate with ghosts, they are used to detect their presence through electro magnetic frequencies. Maybe I’m being too harsh? Maybe it was meant as just a play on words? After all, “communicate” and “detect” kind of have similar meanings. But then again . . . hey man, let’s go by my house and pick up my metal communicator; I know where there is some buried gold. “Gold, gold, are you down there? Dude, are you mad that you’re buried? Talk to me, gold!”

I’m not letting you off the hook, Mr. Wizard. You didn’t think twice about writing your article and shitting on things that I believe in. Also, if you’re going to go through the trouble and conduct 15 experiments on why EMF detectors don’t communicate with detect ghosts, at least do it in place where people actually hunt for spirits, like maybe a murder house, or abandoned hospital or cemetery. I’m sure there’s one near you, surely something besides your living room. Finally, for God’s sake, learn the lingo on the subject you’re writing about and get to the point. Why someone would take a scientific approach and write page after page on something that by its own definition cannot be explained by science perplexes me. The only reasonable conclusion I could come up with is that they also must be using the pillar method.

For my part, I have personally been on several ghost hunts. I have used many of the tools of the trade including the SBS spirit box, EMF detector, digital recorders and camcorders with night vision. I have captured a few interesting results using these devices that I will share another time. In fact, as I finish this article, my friends and I are getting geared up for another expedition; apparently there are stories of loud noises emanating from the men’s restroom at the local Cajun restaurant. I personally think it’s nothing more than swamp gas (so juvenile), but you never know, it could be something parabdominal (sorry!). As we head out for our investigation, a now-familiar Range Rover pulls up out front of my house (who told this guy where I live??). Other than the fact that my night is completely ruined, I’ll share a few more thoughts:

Science is a wonderful thing; many of us would not be alive without it. The advancement in medical technology alone has been astounding in the short 45 years I’ve been around. Hopefully the trend will continue and these brilliant minds will develop a cure for devastating diseases such as cancer that has taken so many of our friends and family members. I could literally go on forever on the ways science has improved my daily life, but even the pillar method has to have limits. However, science doesn’t belong in fringe subjects such as paranormal research, no matter whether it is used to prove or disprove life after death. I realize the equipment I use in ghost hunting is scientific in nature, but I do not use them to abuse science by trying to change your mind or your beliefs. I simply believe in the supernatural, and the devices used to search for it. The late Jim Garrison (conspiracy theory guy) said, “Theoretical physics can prove that an elephant can hang off a cliff with its tail tied to a daisy!” But people, use your eyes, your common sense. We all know by now that sense isn’t common, no more so than the different religious ideologies of what happens to us after we die. I’ll leave you on this number: Stephen Hawking (king of science guys everywhere) believed that there was no afterlife post-death, just basically lights out. Let’s hope for our sake that’s the one thing he got wrong in his life. Not just for my benefit and belief that there is something on the other side. But if we are all as terrible to each other as we are now, while we believe there is a God and that our actions affect our afterlife, how awful would things be if we listened to the greatest scientific mind possibly ever?

Brent Cummings
Author: Brent Cummings